It seems like every social situation we are in someone says something insensitive or offensive about our fertility situation. Usually when this occurs I am partly in shock and partly stinging from the blow that I just stand there, like a statue, but seething inside. After my partner and I are alone I vent and cry and hyper-analyze the situation. I recently decided this was a waste of time and sucked up my too much of my emotional reserve so I compiled some quick comebacks for anyone who is on the receiving end of these comments and wants to feel more empowered in similar situations. I also came up with a list of suggestions for anyone who is on the giving end and wants to say the right thing.
Comebacks:
Babies are a gift, not a given.
Do you ever feel uncomfortable asking such personal questions? (my personal fav)
When someone says, “Have you tried wearing boxer shorts?” Say, “I don’t wear underwear.”
When someone gives you sexual positions to try say, “Sex?! We’re supposed to have sex?!”
Thank you for your interest, but our family planning is a personal matter I would rather not discuss.
When someone says, “You’re so lucky you don’t have kids. They are so much trouble. Do you want mine?” Say, “No, to be perfectly honest, I don’t want your kids.”
When someone says, “Just wait until you hold that baby in your arms. It will all be worth it.” Say, “Hope is not helpful.”
Suggestions:
I can not imagine what you are going though. That must be so painful.
It takes a brave person to go through this.
I know that our paths are different to pregnancy. Know that I honor you as a friend and woman who has taken this path through IVF so thoughtfully….when a ‘romp in the hay’ is much easier in so many regards. Please know that if you ever need to chat about it, I am here to listen. The journey is your own and I respect that….I am honored that you have already shared so much. (this was written to me by a dear friend and it was the perfect thing to say).
I don’t know what you are going through, and I can’t do anything to help you. What I can offer you is a listening ear. Know I will listen with every ounce of my being.
Each pregnancy should be as thoughtful as yours.
