I found this onesie in a maternity store. “This shirt is daddy-proof” it says, and there are arrows pointing to the arms, head, and crotch snap.
Parents-to-be can sign up for daily emails from the What to Expect When You’re Expecting website. When Chris and I signed up for this, naturally he clicked the “dad” option and I clicked the “mom” one. Within a couple of weeks he went back into his account and changed it to “mom” because the information he received as the dad was less than basic. I must say, the mom side is not much more encouraging.
Here are a few examples of tidbits of advice we received throughout the pregnancy:
There are good reasons why your body is suddenly emitting sounds (and smells) you’ve previously only heard (and smelled) from your brother or your husband — and definitely not from anyone of the gentler sex.
For Dad: Here’s a word you didn’t know: “Quickening.” But your partner knows it — and she’s been waiting for it. “Quickening” is obstetrical-speak for baby kicks, as those little arms and legs get big enough to be felt from within.
For Dads: Having second thoughts about this baby thing? Don’t worry, it’s normal. You may be wondering what kind of father you’ll be, or worrying about the health of your partner and the baby.
For Dads: Hey, guess what? You can’t get her pregnant now — she’s already pregnant. Which means you can go for it anytime she’s willing, without worrying about condoms and mysterious biological cycles.
Maybe I just have a really good man, but we don’t have any doubts about parenting, we speak openly about sex so it is not this big mystery, he knows what quickening is (and if he didn’t he would look it up) and he isn’t a farting machine who finds biological clocks mysterious. Maybe it is just me but I can’t imagine having a kid with someone who annoyed me so much, or who resembled a farm animal more than a human. I wish I could pinpoint where exactly this stereotype started, but it is one of the most dangerous because it takes men off of life’s hook. Any man who doesn’t know where a baby’s arm is isn’t born this way, he allowed to be this way.
Imagine a world where men were treated like adults. Where it was assumed they knew how to change a diaper rather than the micromanaged around the topic. Where it was assumed that they would take time off work for parenting. Where they left work to deal with issues with the children as much as women did. Where they were seen as the compassionate, involved fathers and partners they are capable of being, rather than bastard buffoons. This everyday equality is what I dream about for my son. And it starts with not buying or laughing at onesies like the one above.
